A Generation Comes and a Generation Goes

​I can’t help but notice that, even though there’s a “Greatest Generation” none of the others have been labelled “Worst Generation”. I mean, objectively speaking, there was a worst generation out there. However, since every generation has to have a name now, which is completely, totally, honestly different from putting people into boxes, I decided to catch up on who’s being called what now. Here’s a short list:

​Obviously, the first thing to do with a list like this is hand out some awards.

• The award for ONLY NON-ENGLISH GENERATIONAL LABEL THAT’S ALSO AN ACTUAL WORD IN A REAL LANGUAGE goes to The Interbellum Generation.
• The award for THE LARGEST GAP BETWEEN COOL AND STUPID-SOUNDING LABEL goes to Generation X.
• The award for MOST STRANGELY COOL NAME THAT MAKES NO SENSE BUT STILL WORKS goes to the Xennials.
• The award for LABEL WHICH MOST OTHER GENERATIONS WISHES WAS A LITTLE MORE LITERALLY TRUE goes to the Silent Generation.
• The award for FIRST PRODUCT PLACEMENT EMBEDDED RIGHT IN THEIR GENERATIONAL TITLE goes to iGen.
• The award for MOST PRETENTIOUS GENERATIONAL NAME goes to Gen Alpha.
• The award for GENERATIONAL LABEL THAT COMES CLOSEST TO SOUNDING LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF PETER PAN goes to the Lost Generation.
• The award for GENERATION THAT CAN’T REALLY DECIDE WHAT IT WANTS TO BE CALLED goes to the Millennials.
• And finally, the award for THE ONLY GENERATION SAFE FROM ACTUALLY BEING THE WORST GENERATION goes to the Greatest Generation.

I hope you’ll not only see the value of an award system like this, but also agree with me that something is wrong. I mean, are we sure that ten distinct generations are really enough for such an astoundingly impressive length of time as 100 years? Aren’t we missing a few? I propose that this oversight be amended immediately. The following suggestions are open for serious consideration by whomever is in charge of labeling generations.